


The Case of the Unicorn

by Eveliiina



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: AU, Brotzly - Freeform, Dirk is still a detective, Frustrated Todd, M/M, No holistic stuff, Slow Burn, Someday I will learn how to tag things, Todd works at a hotel, cute dirk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-16 20:48:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13644150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eveliiina/pseuds/Eveliiina
Summary: Todd Brotzman always thought his life was boring. Nothing exceptionally good ever happened, but nothing exceptionally bad ever happened either.But now that Dirk Gently and his array of colorful jackets have invaded it, Todd thinks his life is about to become both exceptionally goodandbad.…An AU where Dirk and Todd meet when Dirk, who’s on a case, is staying at the hotel Todd works at. No holistic stuff, but Dirk is still quirky and weird and unconventional.No pararibulitis, Amanda only has agoraphobia and Todd works a shitty job because his family has always been poor.





	1. Possibly Psychotic

**Author's Note:**

> I love DGHDA and Brotzly is definitely my OTP, so I just had to write this. Also, let it be known that English is not my native language and I’ve never been to America (where, obviously, this story is set in) so there are most likely going to be a lot of mistakes. Just, you know, be warned.

“Thank you, have a nice day,” Todd’s somewhat monotonous and uninterested voice called after the prissy couple who only scowled at him as they walked off. 

A normal Tuesday. For Todd, at least. Annoying customers were a given, especially in a highly regarded hotel that attracted obnoxious and entitled rich people, who couldn’t give a crap about the employees. But that was life, he supposed. 

As Todd turned away from the register to put the room key he had just been handed back into its correct slot, a resounding “ding” almost made him drop it. He rolled his eyes and turned back around, ready to find some suit wearing prick with a gold watch or a heel tapping middle-aged woman about to shout “manager”, but as his eyes settled on the auburn-haired, grinning man with the brightest yellow jacket he had ever seen, to say that Todd was surprised would have been a gross understatement.

“...Hello.” His slow greeting didn’t seem to phase the man before him, whose grin stayed in place as if frozen in time.

“Hi!” he said, dragging the word almost comically, as he did a little wave with his hand. _Way too enthusiastic_ , thought Todd. 

“I need a room,” the man said (in a very British accent, noted Todd), his demeanor now distinctly more serious.

“Right. Well, you came to the right place,” Todd said, as he moved to the computer screen. “So, what are you looking for? A suite? A single bedroom? Or are you waiting for someone?” 

“No, no, no suite. And no waiting for anyone. Well, I suppose I sort of am waiting for someone, but not a someone I would be inclined to share a hotel room with,” he shivered, as if disgusted by the idea. “Just any room that’s the cheapest will do.”

Todd stared at him for a few seconds, before turning back to the screen.

“Right. Okay, well, our cheapest room is $120 a night. How long are you planning on staying?”

“Three nights,” the man said, once again with enthusiasm laced in his voice.

“Okay. Name?” Todd asked as he fiddled with the computer.

“Dirk Gently,” the man - Dirk - answered, his forearms now resting on the counter as he looked at Todd, not quite grinning but smiling contently.

Well, weirder people have existed. Probably.

“Here you go,” Todd said as he handed Dirk his room key. “Floor six, room 217. Have a nice stay.”

Dirk took the key, turning it over and back again, and made no indication of leaving. Just as Todd was about to say something, Dirk lifted his gaze from the room key. 

“Oh, I am beginning to think that I will,” he said, now fully grinning at Todd. He pocketed the key and turned away, walking to the elevator on the other side of the room as if there had been nothing out of the ordinary in their exchange just now.

Right. Well. Not such a normal Tuesday then.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“I’m home,” Todd called out as he walked inside his apartment, closing the door and kicking off his shoes.

“Hey loser,” Amanda said, not taking her eyes off the TV, her voice slightly muffled by the ice cream she was eating. “How was work?”

Todd tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter and walked over to the fridge. “Oh, you know,” he said, as he took a can of beer out of the fridge, “same old, same old,” he sighed and took a large gulp of his drink. He walked over to his sister and sat down on the couch next to her. “You?” he asked.

“Oh, you know,” she grinned, “same old, same old.”

Todd gave her a weak smile. “Yeah. Guess that’s that then.” He took another gulp of his beer and turned to look at Amanda. “Though something odd did kinda happen today,” he said, as he placed the beer can on the coffee table. 

Amanda looked at him with excitement. “Tell me, tell me!” she shouted, making Todd laugh.

“Well, it’s not that strange. Well, it sort of is. I don’t know. This guy came in today, looking for a room-”

“Well, obviously - it’s a hotel, Todd,” Amanda rolled her eyes, and Todd playfully shoved her.

“Shh, let me finish!” He chuckled. “So he came in, looking for a room, but he was so… not normal. Like, compared to anyone else who comes there. Or actually, he didn’t seem normal by any standards.”

“How’s so?”

“Well, for one, he had this super bright yellow jacket on- hey, don’t laugh!” Todd pointed his finger at Amanda, who was covering her mouth with her hand. “It looked weird, I promise. Most people who come in there have suit jackets or at least clothes that look ridiculously expensive. His jacket looked like something out of a thrift shop. And then, he was like, super enthusiastic. And smiley.”

“Smiley?”

“Yeah, smiley. Like, he wouldn’t stop grinning. And he was looking for the cheapest room. Why would he come to that hotel if he was looking for something cheap? Why not just go to a motel or just a cheaper hotel?”

“Maybe he just doesn’t like spending a ton of money?”

“Maybe. But then he was just otherwise weird too. Man, I hope I didn’t give a room to some psycho.”

Amanda snorted. “Come on. The dude was happy and wanted to buy a cheap room - how does that possibly translate to psycho? He was just different.”

“Yeah well… I’d just like to know if he’s good different or bad different.” Todd sighed.

“Maybe he’s neither,” Amanda said, as she grabbed Todd’s beer off the table and drank the rest of it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As it turned out, Dirk Gently was both.

During the two remaining nights he had spent at the hotel, Dirk Gently had proved to be the most intriguing person Todd had ever met, as well as the biggest pain in his ass. For the most part, he had stayed in his room, but whenever he didn’t, Todd’s heart dropped an inch. Sure, he was kind of fun and refreshingly energetic; and though Todd would rather not admit it, Dirk’s smile was pretty contagious. But he was also incredibly clumsy and would wander off into parts of the hotel that were prohibited from guests, meaning that Todd had to all but run around the hotel and (literally) pull him away from said places. 

So when the time came for Dirk Gently to check out from the hotel, Todd was happy. And sad. He was feeling a mixture of emotions, to be honest, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with them.

But when twelve o’clock struck, and Dirk hadn’t come down to return his key, Todd started to get a little worried. And when Dirk was twenty minutes late, he thought about asking one of the cleaners to go and see if he was okay. _Probably just slept late_ , Todd thought. And hoped.

But when the clock was nearing one p.m, and there was no Dirk Gently in sight, Todd decided he should go and pay him a visit. He might as well do it himself - no need to bother the cleaners. His break would start soon anyway, and he was sure that Matt - his more than kind colleague - wouldn’t mind starting his shift five minutes early.

With that, Todd stepped out from behind the reception and walked over to the elevator. He hadn’t pulled up the information of what floor and which room Dirk was staying in - he didn’t need to; he could remember it vividly.

He stepped out of the elevator on the sixth floor, and walked down the hallway, his steps longer and his pace faster than normal.

Finally, he reached room number 217, the gold painted numbers on the door staring down at him. Was this a good idea? What if Dirk really had just overslept and Todd would only embarrass himself by checking up on him? Well, he was already standing in front of the door. No backing away now. He let out a deep breath and knocked. 

No answer. No sounds inside the room whatsoever. He knocked again. Nothing. 

“Mr. Gently?” he called, knocking for the third time. Unsurprisingly, there was still no answer. Todd sighed. “Please, don’t turn out to be a psycho…” he mumbled under his breath, as he took his master key out from his pocket and opened the door.

As he stepped into the room, he had to do a double take. The bed covers were half on the bed, half on the floor and what appeared to be Dirk’s personal belongings were scattered all over the room. Coat hangers and soda cans were laying on the floor as well as on the bed - which had also been moved from its usual place - and the bathroom door was open, giving Todd a view of all the toiletries and towels spread onto the tiled marble floor, leaving the whole room looking like the Incredible Hulk had been set free in it.

Todd stood there for awhile, staring at the utter destruction in the room. After a minute, he sighed. “A psycho it is, then.”


	2. Private Detective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the plan was to post the second chapter a few days after the first, but... I got too impatient. About two hours in. Hope you enjoy it!

“And you have no idea what could have happened here, Mr…?”

“Brotzman,” Todd answered, looking nervous as he tried not to stare at the detective in front of him.

“Right,” the detective said, scribbling something in his notepad. “How long did Mr. Gently stay here?”

“Three nights. He was supposed to hand in the room key at twelve, but he didn’t show up so…”

“So you decided to check up on him?”

“Yes,” Todd said, feeling more and more anxious by the minute.

“Do you know why he was staying here?” The detective asked, turning over a new page in his notepad.

“Um, no. All I know is how long he was staying for and that he requested the cheapest room available.”

“Notice anything weird about him? Was his behavior in any way strange or unusual?”

 _Yes_. “No. I mean, all kinds of people come in here and I don’t really, you know, pay that much attention to all of them. They just kind of… come and go, I guess.”

“And yet you decided that it was your personal duty to see if Mr. Gently was okay when he was late returning his key? Do you do that for all the guests who don’t turn their key in on time?” The detective bore his eyes into Todd’s, who gulped and tried to avoid the detective’s accusing gaze.

“No, I, uh… I just had a bad feeling. About this one.” His voice shook slightly as he spoke.

“A bad feeling?” The detective looked suspiciously at him.

“Yeah,” Todd’s voice came out as a squeak. His mouth was dry and his heart was beating fast.

He honestly didn’t know why he wasn’t telling the detective about Dirk’s wandering around the hotel, or his eccentric nature, or the brighter-than-sun yellow jacket. Maybe because he didn’t want Dirk to get in trouble. Well, quite obviously he was already in some kind of trouble. He had pretty much vanished from the hotel, leaving his room in a disarray. But even though Todd’s first reaction had been “psycho”, the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like someone had probably broken into Dirk’s room, left it in that state, and now Dirk was nowhere to be seen. So he might as well leave out the odd behavior - the police didn’t need to think that Dirk was doing something illegal. Which, to be fair, Todd couldn’t say for sure he wasn’t - he just had a hunch. And he never had hunches. So this one had to be legit.

“Right, well, give the department a call in case you happen to remember some new details concerning Mr. Gently,” the detective said, giving Todd one last look, and walked away, calling for detective Zimmerfield - his partner, he guessed - and left Todd standing alone in the hallway.

After standing there awkwardly for a few seconds, Todd decided it was time to go. His boss had given him the rest of the day free, so he might as well go home, tell Amanda what happened and drink as many beers as it took to forget the whole ordeal.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After the long bus ride back to his apartment and the slow walk up the stairs, Todd was startled to hear two voices from behind the door. The other voice distinctly Amanda’s, and the other… _No. It couldn't be_.

Todd opened the door quickly, almost falling over in his haste to see who was in his apartment. 

“What the fu-”

“Todd!” Amanda and Dirk both exclaimed from where they were sitting on the couch, Amanda with a can of beer and Dirk with a soda.

Todd wasn’t sure what to do. Or think. The guy who had disappeared from his hotel room and started a police investigation was currently sitting on _his_ couch in _his_ apartment with _his_ sister, all the while grinning at him like a maniac.

“Great of you to join us!” Dirk shouted. “Amanda was just telling me about your former band - very fascinating. Though, if you want my advice, I would say you should-”

“What the hell are you doing in my apartment?”

“Sorry?” Dirk frowned.

Todd strode over to him, towering over the Brit with the most menacing expression he could manage to make. “What. The hell. Are you. Doing. In my. Apartment?” he ground out, fists clenched at his sides.

“Todd, what the hell? Would it kill you to be nicer?” Amanda glared at him.

“Nicer? He disappeared from the hotel, didn’t pay for his stay, left his room in a state of complete destruction and is now investigated by the police!” Todd yelled.

“I’m investigated by the police?” Dirk asked, astonished.

“Yes. Now can you please tell me what the hell you’re doing here? And on that note,” Todd turned to Amanda, “why on Earth would you let a stranger in the apartment?”

“Well, he said he was Dirk Gently - you know, that guy you haven’t stopped talking about for the past three days. And for the record, I’ve never met anyone less threatening than Dirk.”

“Aw, thank you!” Dirk smiled at Amanda.

“Focus, people! I don’t care that he’s about as threatening as a butterfly stuck on a marshmallow - you should know better than to let strangers just wander in. A stranger, no less, who happens to be a part of a criminal investigation.” Todd gave Dirk a scathing look.

“It’s not my fault he attacked me while I was sleeping peacefully in my bed!” Dirk retaliated.

“Who’s he?” Todd asked.

“The Unicorn, of course!”

“The… unicorn?” Todd looked more confused than ever.

“Yes! The infamous jewelry thief who has been terrorizing this city for two months now. I was hired to find out who he is and told that there was a high chance he might strike at the hotel.”

“Hired? A jewelry thief? What, you’re like a…”

“A private detective,” Dirk provided, smiling proudly.

“That’s so cool!” Amanda grinned, looking from Dirk to Todd, who was now looking at Dirk in utter disbelief.

“You’re a private detective? Really?”

“Yes.” Dirk frowned. “Is that hard to believe?”

“I mean… yeah. You’re not exactly… what I’d expect a private detective to look like.”

“Well, that’s the point!” Dirk exclaimed, adding a loud “duh!” and rolling his eyes at Todd.

“So what happened then? The Unicorn, or whatever - he attacked you? How did he get into your room?” Todd asked.

Dirk gestured for Todd to sit down and looked at him and Amanda like they were about to hear the greatest story of their lives. “I suspect he climbed in through the window- I know, sixth floor, just let me get to that,” Dirk said, as Todd was about comment on the absurdity of it. “Obviously he didn’t climb from all the way down to all the way up - he’s not superhuman. As I previously told you, there was a high chance that he would strike at that hotel, which is why I was staying there in first place. So it is entirely possible that he also purchased a room there. Now, assuming that he had a room, let’s say, on the seventh floor, it is more than likely, that he just climbed down one floor and thus, broke into my room.” Dirk explained, the words coming out from his mouth like bullets.

“But… how could he possibly have known to get a room exactly above yours? And if he checked in before you, there’s no way he could’ve known which room you’d be staying at. Not to mention how he even knew that you were investigating him,” Todd finished.

Dirk gave Todd a pitying smile. “Oh, my dear Todd; it is clear to me that you haven’t done a day of detective work in your life.” Todd was about to reply, but Dirk stopped him with a hand gesture. “I’m not saying that that’s a bad thing. You just don’t have the refined skills of detecting, like I do.”

Todd sighed. “Okay, fine. Do tell then, how he pulled that all off.”

Dirk smiled. “He clearly knew who I was and what I was doing at the hotel, so someone must have tipped him off. I was using my time to look for clues and anything suspicious at the hotel, so identifying me wasn’t difficult for him.”

“That’s not exactly a good thing,” Todd muttered.

“Shush,” Dirk shushed Todd, ignoring what he said. “Anyway, now that he had identified me, he could have easily followed me when I returned to my room, to see which one I was staying in.”

“Why couldn’t he have attacked you when he followed you to your room?” Amanda chimed in.

“Obviously he didn’t want to be seen! Attacking me in broad daylight - anyone could’ve stumbled upon that. No, he had to do it at night and in my room, where there were no witnesses.”

“What about the room thing?” Todd pressed.

“I’m getting to it,” Dirk said. “He could have gotten his room either before I checked in or after - it doesn’t really matter. Why? Because he changed rooms.” Dirk grinned.

“Changed rooms?” 

“Yes! Once he found out which room I was staying in, he most likely requested to change his room so that he could put his plan into motion. It didn’t have to be directly above mine - one room to either side would’ve worked as well. If he hadn’t been able to get a room on the above floor, he would have had to think of something else. But seeing as I woke up to him slamming the window shut behind him, I am fairly certain his original plan worked.”

Todd and Amanda looked at each other, and then at the still grinning Dirk, who looked almost too pleased with his theory.

“Okay, fine. Let’s assume that that’s what went down,” Todd said. “What happened then? You guys fought, right?”

Dirk nodded. “He was very violent, let me tell you. Better add assault to his list of offenses, once he’s caught. But I am quite adequate in certain martial arts and so was under no real threat at all.”

Todd and Amanda stared at him. 

Dirk relented. “Fine. There may have been a slight possibility of danger for me. But! I will have you know that I graciously survived the attack - granted, there could have been better ways of doing that than throwing soda bottles and coat hangers at him, but they did the trick. By which I mean they distracted him enough so that I could escape to the bathroom, forget to lock the door, thus letting him in and end up dumping a bag of various types of facial creams and mouthwash on his head. But that allowed me to then escape from the bathroom and leave the room, run out of the hotel and sleep outside a coffee shop eight blocks from there.”

“That’s where I found him!” Amanda smiled.

“You found him outside a coffee shop?” Todd asked, lifting his brows.

“Yeah,” Amanda said, pretending not to have noticed the surprised tone of Todd's voice. “I thought I’d try to go to the store, and that’s when I saw him, half asleep on the asphalt. I thought he was homeless, so I went to give him money, but he said he was just temporarily without a place to stay in. I asked his name and realized he was _the_ Dirk Gently. So I invited him over.”

Todd rubbed his eyes. “Okay, well, now that we’re all a bit more filled in - though not any less confused - care to tell us who the hell this "Unicorn” guy is?" Todd prompted, looking at Dirk.

“As I said, he’s a jewelry thief,” Dirk said. “I don’t know why he felt the need to name himself after a mythical creature, but that’s the signature he has left on all the notes.”

“Notes?”

“Yes, Todd - notes. Pieces of paper, usually filled with various types of messages. Is this a new concept for you?”

Todd rolled his eyes. “I mean, what were the notes?”

“Yes, I was getting to that. Impatient, much?” Dirk gave Amanda a look, who nodded and grinned when she caught Todd’s eye.

“The notes,” Dirk started, “have been left in the pocket or purse - depending on the victim - of everyone who has been robbed of jewelry or the occasional expensive watch by him. And every time, he signs them off as “the Unicorn”. Until now, no one knew who he was or what he looked like.”

“But you know?” Todd asked.

“Well, I know what he looks like. Sort of. It _was_ very dark.” Todd and Amanda looked unimpressed, so Dirk continued. “I do know that he’s a man. And taller than me. Very agile as well, considering how he got into my room.”

“Not very strong though, if you got past him,” Todd provided, but only ended up making both Dirk and Amanda glare at him. He cleared his throat. “Okay, so now what? You go to your client and tell them what happened? Get paid and move on?”

“Not quite. You see, this case turned out to be a tad bit more complicated than I originally estimated it to be,” Dirk said.

“How come?” Todd and Amanda both frowned.

Dirk looked sheepish. “I may or may not have seen and recognized a tattoo he had on his arm while I was throwing coat hangers at him.”

“A tattoo? And yes, before you ask, I know what a freaking tattoo is,” Todd sighed, waiting for a sarcastic comment to make its way out of Dirk's mouth. But Dirk stayed silent.

“Dirk?” Amanda laid her hand on his shoulder. “What was the tattoo?”

Dirk took a deep breath, and looked up, almost whispering what he said next. 

“Blackwing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit on the fence about this chapter, but I hope it turned out okay. I'm still not happy with some parts, but hopefully you guys will like it anyway. (Also, just go with the climbing-through-the-window-from-the-above-floor thing - it's stupid but it's in the spirit of Dirk Gently. Hopefully)
> 
> P.S I got the idea of a jewelry thief named "the Unicorn" from Doctor Who. So kudos if you got that reference!


	3. Blackwing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter for you!
> 
> I might not post as frequently from now on because school is being kinda hectic at the moment and I really need to focus more on my studies. But I will try to upload as often as possible.
> 
> (P.S sorry if Dirk sounds a bit OOC here - he's actually super difficult to write, especially in an AU setting)

Complete silence had fallen in the Brotzman household. Amanda stared at Dirk, and Todd sat on the coffee table, arms folded and about open his mouth when Dirk interrupted him.

”Before you ask, no, I am not with them anymore,” Dirk sighed.

”I wasn’t- With ”them”? Dirk, we- what _is_ Blackwing?” Todd stumbled over his words. _Dirk had seriously got to stop being so goddamn confusing._

”Oh. Right. Normal people,” Dirk chuckled. ”Of course you don’t know what Blackwing is - silly me.” He rolled his eyes and playfully knocked his head. Todd and Amanda fixed him with a stern look. Dirk responded with a resigned one. 

“Blackwing is a criminal organization,” he said, his voice sounding almost defeated. “I used to be a part of it - they would scope out orphans who were old enough so no one would want to adopt them, and ones who showed any signs of “usefulness” to them. They took me in when I was fifteen.”

Amanda let out a tiny gasp and Todd’s jaw was hanging somewhere between his head and the floor.

“They would train us,” Dirk continued, “make us do small, insignificant jobs that would show what we could do and then they would manipulate and brainwash us so that we would become loyal to them.”

“So how- how’d you get out?” Amanda asked, her eyes wide with shock.

“Well, the thing that was most valuable about me to them, was also what helped get me out.”

“What was that?” Todd asked.

“My intuition. I know; sounds boring right?” Dirk said as he saw the confused looks on their faces. “But it’s freaky, sometimes. I may have developed it in the orphanage while trying to hide from the mean kids; my intuition has always been better than most people’s. I was good at a stakeout or while watching everyone’s backs. I’d get this feeling, like a prickling in my neck whenever I sensed we were about to be found out. Call it a sixth sense or whatever you will, but the people at Blackwing valued it - it made their jobs much easier.

“I never really succumbed to the brainwashing that they put us all through - maybe my superior intuition helped me sense what they were trying to do. But that helped me keep myself somewhat sane. I knew I wanted out - some people had escaped from there before I’d come in, and one person escaped a few months before I did. The higher-ups relied on manipulation and making us feel like we weren’t prisoners, so they didn’t start treating us more like ones even after the escapes. They figured no one would go to the authorities, seeing as they had all partook in multiple crimes during their time in Blackwing.

“It was a week before my marking - that’s where they make you take the tattoo - when I escaped. My intuition came in handy when I had to leave the place without anyone catching me, and I’ve been free ever since. I became a detective because I wanted to help people - victims of the kind of crimes I’d done myself.”

Todd let out a breath he had been holding in. “Jesus.”

“Amen to that,” Amanda said, looking at Dirk like she had never seen him before. “You know, there are so many thoughts running through my head right now… I don’t really know what to say.” Amanda kept staring at Dirk. “But dude - I think your life’s pretty fucking badass.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After Dirk dropped the I-used-to-be-a-part-of-a-criminal-organization bomb, Todd had suggested he get them all beers from the fridge to help them calm down. Amanda said she had already drunk her fair share of beers though, and Dirk politely declined, saying that he much preferred a fizzy drink over an alcoholic one. So that’s how they all ended up gathered around the kitchen table, Amanda eating a stale cookie they had found in the back of a cupboard, Dirk drinking his soda through a straw and making annoying slurping noises, and Todd all but inhaling his now lukewarm beer.

“So,” Todd said, slamming the empty beer can on the table, “let me get this straight; you were once a member of an organization called Blackwing that specialises in criminal activity, manipulation, and brainwashing - and now years later, someone hired you to find a jewelry thief called “the Unicorn”, who just so happens to have the exact kind of tattoo that the members of Blackwing have, meaning that he _is_ one the members of Blackwing,” he finished.

“You’re about 98% correct,” Dirk said, slurping his soda.

“Okay - what the hell did I miss?” Todd looked baffled. Amanda looked confused as well, cookie crumbs falling on the table as she tried to eat while staring at Dirk.

“Your rendition of the events was mostly accurate until the very end, where you said that the Unicorn is a member of Blackwing,” Dirk said, sliding his lips off the straw with a pop. The motion distracted Todd for a second, but he quickly shook it off and frowned at Dirk.

“But the tattoo - you said it was a Blackwing tattoo,” Todd furrowed his brows.

“Correctomundo,” Dirk grinned.

“Please never say “correctomundo” again,” Amanda muttered.

“So… what? It’s just a coincidence that he had that tattoo?” Todd asked.

“Certainly not,” Dirk answered.

Todd gave a frustrated growl. “So who the hell is he?”

Dirk gave Todd a grin. “Your mistake was assuming that he was _still_ a member of Blackwing. The tattoo obviously tells us he used to be a member - but he’s not anymore.”

Todd and Amanda looked at Dirk. “Asshole,” they both said in unison, rolling their eyes. Dirk frowned but let it go.

Todd sighed. “How do you know he’s not a member anymore? Isn’t stealing exactly the kind of thing Blackwing would do?”

“Yes. But there’s no way they would let anyone just parade around leaving notes on people and calling themselves “the Unicorn”. Blackwing hasn’t been discovered to this day because they never leave traces - writing notes is definitely leaving traces.”

“So assuming he escaped from Blackwing like you; why would he become a jewelry thief?” Amanda asked as she threw the last piece of the cookie in her mouth.

“My guess is that he got tired of doing all the dirty work for Blackwing but never getting any credit for it. So he escaped, developed “the Unicorn” as his alias, and left notes on all his victims so that people would know he had done it. I didn’t recognise him when he broke into my room, which means he was probably in a higher position at Blackwing, which consequently would explain how he has managed to stay undiscovered, as well as how climbing down one floor of a hotel to get to my room was easy for him - the training he got in Blackwing would have given him the skills to do all that.” 

Todd and Amanda looked speechless.

“But, that’s just a hunch,” Dirk said.

Todd burst out laughing.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was ridiculous. Absolutely and utterly laughable. Todd was housing a private detective, a former member of a group of criminals, and the current object of an ongoing criminal investigation. He had just spent the whole evening listening to the most batshit crazy stuff that came out of Dirk’s mouth and right now, he felt like he was in the middle of a detective novel. A detective novel whose detective seemed to be both insanely brilliant and brilliantly insane. 

“What are we going to do about him?” Todd whispered as he lead Amanda to his bedroom, leaving Dirk alone in the living room.

“What do you mean?” Amanda asked.

“We can’t just let him stay here! The police are investigating his disappearance from the hotel and they were already suspicious of me. If they find out I’m hiding him here…”

“It’s not like he did anything wrong, Todd,” Amanda insisted. “He got attacked and he escaped. If he just goes to the police department, tells them what happened and says he was working a case there, they’re gonna let him go.”

Todd ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t you think they’re gonna find that a little odd? They’re gonna ask him why he didn’t go to the police immediately and report the attack. I mean, look at the guy - he’s probably not even capable of lying; he’s gonna tell them where he stayed, and then the police are gonna grill me on my involvement with him. They’re not going to believe that you just happened to find him outside of a coffee shop. There are way too many coincidences in this case already.”

“Fine. What do you suggest then? We kick him out? We can’t do that, Todd,” Amanda said angrily. “Didn’t you listen to a word he said? The guy’s life has been nothing but one hardship after another. Did you not hear that tragic backstory?”

“I heard it, alright,” Todd grumbled.

“So you can’t possibly propose we throw him out - even you’re not that cruel.”

“Hey! I am not cruel,” Todd gave her an offended look.

“Well then, prove it. Let him stay.” Amanda crossed her arms in front of her, looking expectantly at Todd.

Todd sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine,” he finally said, making Amanda smile widely.

“Hey, Dirk!” she shouted as she walked back to the living room. “Guess what - you’re living with us now!” There was a pause and then the distinct sound of someone falling over.

Todd groaned. _What the hell did I get myself into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so much fun writing the dialogue between Dirk, Todd, and Amanda in this chapter, so I hope you guys liked it. Nothing really happens in this chapter, but it was necessary for Dirk's backstory as well as explaining Blackwing. The next chapter should be more exciting. 
> 
> Also, I'm pretty sure the part about Dirk being "insanely brilliant and brilliantly insane" is something either Elijah or Sam have said in an interview once and it kind of came back to me while writing. If anyone has a link to that interview, feel free to leave it in the comments!


End file.
